cultivating gratitude · fighting overwhelm · finding my way · finding peace · from the trenches · I am blessed · meeting God · recovering perfectionist

Understanding Difficult Days

I love the nap time hour. I love that complete silence. It’s just me, alone with my Creator.

I listen. I rest. I feel his love surround me and I know He’s here.

We talk about the past few days, Him and I.

I’ve had some rough days with my two little ones this week. One morning I woke early with a determination to have a better handle on child training. Things were getting so out of hand; I felt like my children were fighting almost constantly and I was completely drained.

In desperation I determined to make it my morning’s mission to find new solutions to our problems. I prayed and consulted my Bible. I went to several trusted authors for tips.

As I began to put into practice the few ideas and insights I gathered throughout the day, I began to think perhaps I’d discovered the heart of our problem and might have a solution. The day was wonderful; the children barely fought at all!

The next day – wow! By eleven in the morning when Kev came in to get something, he found me sitting on a chair with two loudly sobbing children in my arms. I was completely unsure what I should do next. The entire morning had been a war between the two and no amount of discipline had improved their moods. I was at the end of my resources.

Fortunately the rest of the day turned out relatively well, perhaps due to the fact that we had unexpected company and they had friends visiting!

Yet by late afternoon I realized Mr H had a cold and was feeling unwell. Instantly I felt guilty for how much I’d disciplined him earlier when he was surely feeling rotten.

I was reminded that the thought had come to my mind that morning to read the children stories instead of repeatedly setting them on chairs for time-out. Yet I had selfishly continued with my work and remained overwhelmed and frustrated with them instead.

God didn’t leave me there, though. As He always does, He extended forgiveness and grace.

Instead of allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and self-destructive thoughts, today I ask for my Father’s forgiveness. I plead for grace and for strength to go on.

Today I also bask in His love and His unbounded mercy toward me. How undeserving I am. And how grateful for such a God! For such a wondrous Creator and Divine Father to serve and reverence!

How sweetly He comes to me with the message that He is Love itself and that His ways are ways of truth and life and everlasting, eternal love.

Nothing I do can squelch or dim that love.
Nothing I leave undone lessens His power to redeem.

He is almighty and all-powerful. And yet He stoops to care for ME!

He bows low to gently whisper words of truth, love, forgiveness and joy. His message today is one of love, as it always is:

“My child, I know you don’t understand. I never meant that you would figure everything out. I created you with your imperfections. There is no perfect formula. There is no perfect earthly mother but through my eyes and with my grace, you are perfect. Lean on me. Walk beside me. Take one step at a time with me. The closer you walk to me, the clearer your path will be.

Not every day will be peaceful.
Not every moment will be a fight.

I did not create life to be perfect. Neither did I create it to make you stumble or fall. I created you because I love you and desire you to spend an eternity of splendor and beauty with me in a land of paradise. This is why you were created. This is why your children were created.

The fallen moments are meant to draw you closer to me, not away from me. They are hard, my child. I know they are so hard. It is difficult for you to understand because you do not have my heavenly vision. You cannot see what I am keeping you from. You do not understand my plan for you. You also cannot see what I am designing even now for you.

And so you stumble, as I knew you would. I do not expect you to run as one who has no limitations. I do not expect you to run a flawless race.

I only ask that you trust me and that you put your hand in mine and allow me to lift you when you fall. Turn your face to me and focus only on my strength. I will be your voice when you have none. I will be your hands when yours are ragged from your falls. I will be your feet when yours are tired and weak. I will be your strength when yours has failed. I will be your wisdom when yours is gone.

Look on my face, child, and see my mercy. Feel my strength. Taste my goodness. Touch my scars. And listen to my love.

I have created you with purpose. I have bought you with my blood. I am redeeming you. I am offering forgiveness, grace and acceptance. I love you! I’ll help you walk this path of life and together we’ll make heaven someday soon.”

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